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Beer 12
Name: Squall IPA
Brewery: Dogfish Head Brewery
Location: Milton, DE
Brewing Since: 1995
Website: http://www.dogfish.com
Sight: Golden color, wonderful thin layer of white head.
Scent: Oh smell that hoppy goodness!
Texture: Bubbly but contained. Large body.
Taste: 90 minutes + bottle conditioned + unfiltered = stupendous.
Thoughts: Everything you might (read: I do) love about the 90 Minute IPA but somehow, in some way, better. Perhaps its the synergy created by Rouges Gallery and Dogfish Head becoming “friends.” Cool label, too.
How to Drink: I think this beer would be good any day of the year, any time of the day. Its good like that. How should you drink it? E-mmediately! It doesn’t matter, do it now. Valentine’s Day, in the middle of dinner with your wife — OK to drink. April Fools Day, just after Jell-Oing your co-worker’s stapler, OK to drink. June 12, as your child takes his first steps — OK to drink. August 29, your grandmother’s 95th birthday lunch buffet, OK to drink. October 16, passing mile 14 during the Baltimore Marathon — OK to drink. December 24, midnight vigil mass at your local church, OK to drink. Do you see how versatile and wonderful this beer is?
Beer 11
Name: Colossus
Brewery: Du Claw Brewing Company
Location: Baltimore, MD
Brewing Since: 1996
Website: http://www.duclaw.com
Sight: A little bit brown, a little bit red, a little bit amber. Or, as I called it, “Brember.”
Scent: Age… sweet age.
Texture: FULL bodied alright. It hands around the back of my mouth for a while after the swallow, the sweetness hangs around the front of my mouth longer.
Taste: Surprisingly sweet. The bitter end is overwhelmed by the sweetness throughout.
Thoughts: This beer is finger lickin’ good. Especially when you drink your beer from a cup formed by your hands like I do and then lick your fingers.
How to Drink: Channel a mix of Sherlock Holmes and Hugh Heffner: Put on your finest red silk robe. Light the candles in your study. Sit, legs crossed, in your highest backed chair. Put your feet up, relax, and be sure to swirl the beer in your cognac glass before each sip.
Beer 10
Name: 2 Turtle Doves
Brewery: The Bruery
Location: Orange County, CA
Brewing Since: Top Secret, Apparently
Website: http://www.thebruery.com
Sight: Black… yep, black.
Scent: Banana? Coffee? Nutty? Turtle Dove? Yes, yes, yes, yes… and maybe some dark malts too.
Texture: Its so silky smooth on the top of my mouth. It coats my tongue like Pepto-Bismol. Yum!
Taste: Similar to the smells, as you might guess. Oh, and there’s just the tip of bitterness and the end.
Thoughts: I like it. Dark and complex, it leaves a lot to the imagination.
How to Drink: Wait around your house until WJZ tells you a snow storm is on its way the likes of which Marty Bass has never seen. Six hours into the storm, put on as many clothes as possible and trek through the wind and accumulating snow to your local liquor store. Purchase a bottle of this beer. Pay and proceed home. Try not to slip on the way back. Once home, play The Office and 30 Rock from your DVR, sit back, and enjoy this beer.
Beer 9
Name: Mogul Madness Ale
Brewery: Rouge Ales
Location: Portland, OR
Brewing Since: 1989
Website: http://www.rouge.com
Sight: Deep, dark, amber.
Scent: Malts and more malts.
Texture: Medium bodied, fizzy in the back of my mouth.
Taste: Slightly bitter, slightly modified malts.
Thoughts: Its Rouge so you know what you’re getting. I like it. It claims to be aggressively hopped but I just don’t know about that.
How to Drink: Make yourself look as much like the guy on the label as you can. Literally. I’m talking long hair, moustache, beard, the matching turquoise skis, ski poles, sweater, and goggle set. I don’t care how long it takes you. Then you must attach your skis and poles to you back in a criss-cross formation while standing under an arch on which are painted turquoise grains and hops, and find a classic pot belly stein to drink out of. Oh yeah, it has to be snowing, too. Then and only then can you properly enjoy this winter ale. Alternatively, if you like to snowboard, you could try to dress up like that little snowboarder to the right of “ROUGE” (not pictured). Either way is probably fine.
 Beer 8
Name: Wild Devil Ale
Brewery: Victory Brewing Company
Location: Downingtown, PA
Brewing Since: 1996
Website: http://www.victorybeer.com
Sight: Lots of head, “wild” even. Dark golden color.
Scent: Honestly… it smells like urine… but only from up close. Maybe it’s the yeast.
Texture: Bubbly but not without body.
Taste: Bitter (not like urine [I'd imagine]) but the subtle hop flavor finds its way through.
Thoughts: Pennsylvania, where to start? I hate picking just one beer from states that have so much to offer. I always feel like I’m missing something better. I like that Victory snuck a Belgian flag onto the logo and I like what they are trying to do here, with the wild yeast, but I think that it takes a way from the goodness that is Hop Devil. The back of the label claims that this beer may contain “greak funk.” I think they got it right.
How to Drink: Avec moules et frites.
Beer 7
Name: Really Old Brown Dog Ale
Brewery: Smuttynose Brewing Company
Location: Portsmouth, NH
Brewing Since: 1994
Website: http://www.smuttynose.com/
Sight: Brown, teasing amber.
Scent: Lovely floral aromas, and more than I would expect from this type of ale.
Texture: Hits the back of your mouth with the force only an aged ale can bring.
Taste: An old ale on the border of barleywine. You can really smell it once the head subsides.
Thoughts: I’ve never had regular Old Brown Dog that I can remember. I didn’t see anywhere how much longer this beer is aged.
How to Drink: It would go great with your ass in a comfortable yellow chair and your hand on the head of an old brown dog. Not on the beach though, maybe in your library or study… assuming you live in the “Clue” house.
Beer 6
Name: Ginger Wheat
Brewery: Harpoon Brewery
Location: Boston, MA
Brewing Since: 1986
Website: http://www.harpoonbrewery.com
Sight: Crisp golden color with excellent clarity.
Scent: Strong fresh smelling (almost to a fault), reminds me of a “clean bathroom” or “summer breeze” or some other natural sounding manufactured scent.
Texture: Light and bubbly.
Taste: Yup, there is definitely ginger in this beer.
Thoughts: If nothing else, its original. Is Harpoon trying to confuse people? Is this a ginger ale or ginger ale? Is this a ginger beer or ginger beer? My guess why neither the word “beer” nor the word “ale” appears in the title is so that Harpoon can dodge the lawyers from Canada Dry and Goslings. I hated this beer when I popped the cap but loved it by the time the bottle was empty.
How to Drink: You probably want to go to Cluck-U or your local wingery and get the wings with the hottest sauce possible (or just pour Sriracha on anything you have at home). When your mouth is so hot you fear closing it lest your tongue spontaneously combust, take a long sip of this Ginger Wheat.
Beer 5
Name: Oak Aged YETI Imperial Stout
Brewery: Great Divide Brewing Co
Location: Denver, CO
Brewing Since: 1994
Website: http://www.greatdivide.com/
Sight: Shiny silver tin cap wrapper in complete contrast to the complete inky darkness within the bottle. It is perfectly black with a dark sandy head.
Scent: Fresh and earthy, roasted malts abound.
Texture: Full bodied with excellent carbonation.
Taste: Oh! To be oak aged! Oh! To behold the depth of flavor! Oak aging barrels for everyone!
Thoughts: With all of the craft breweries I know of in Colorado (and I’m sure a lot more that I don’t know about) I took a few walks down the aisle before stopping in front of this Yeti. And why not? I have not been disappointed.
How to Drink: I might be turning to a fatty but I think the bottle’s suggestion that you should pair this beer with fudge brownies is AMAZING. I need some fudge brownies.
Beer 4
Name: La Roja Artisan Amber Ale
Brewery: Jolly Pumpkin Artisan Ales
Location: Dexter, MI
Brewing Since: 2004
Website: http://www.jollypumpkin.com/
Sight:Ranges from light to dark brown. Mucho mucho light and fluffy but quickly fleeting head resting on top.
Scent: Spicy… what is that? Star Anise?
Texture: Smooth through the head, bits of bubbly afterwards.
Taste: Strange mixture of spices, sours, and bitters.
Thoughts:Something (read Everything) about aging beer in oak barrels gives the brew a little something extra to tantalize my senses.
How to Drink:First, watch one of those old horror movies with the two word title about some massive omnipresent terror such as “The Mist” or “The Fog” or even “The Blob.” Now, find a flashlight and turn of the lights. Open a bottle of La Roja and, to anyone who will listen to your ravings, make comparisons (holding the flashlight, turned on, beneath your chin) between those movies and the way the foam from La Roja slowly grows and comes out of the top of the bottle and onto your table. No matter how many times you wipe it up, it keeps growing and growing! It seems alive, it seems to have a mind of its own. It is coming for me! What are they putting into the beer at Jolly Pumpkin? What have they done?!? Beware! Run for you life! Women, grab your babies! It is THE FOAM! And its coming for youuuuuuuuu… Seriously, a lot of foam crept out of the top of this bottle and I didn’t even shake it. Just sayin.
Beer 3
Name: Allagash Four Ale
Brewery: Allagash Brewing Company
Location: Portland, NY
Brewing Since: 1995
Website: http://www.allagash.com/
Sight: Brown with pale head, unfiltered.
Scent: Usual, but delectable, scents of various Belgian spices abound, yet – surprisingly – no mention of four spices used (swing and a miss Allagash).
Texture: Medium body, excellent level of carbonation.
Taste: Delicious as a delicious Belgian beer should be. Of course.
Thoughts: Four malts(!) its claims. Four Hops(!). Fermented four times it gloats…HA. As if I would listen to a beer label. ”Open carefully”… “contents under pressure”… you think I’ll believe anything. Hey Allagash, you forgot to use four completely different types of Belgian yeast during those four different fermentations… wait, whats that? you do you use four completely different types of Belgian yeast… OK then. Carry on.
How to Drink: Aim the bottle at your closest enemy, pop the cork, hide and revel. Also, try not to let too much of this excellent Belgian style ale squirt out of your nose as you laugh at your corking victim.
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